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The thing to keep in mind is that dating is a precursor to marriage, a test trial if you will, spending time with a person to see if marriage is even a good option. In some cases, it takes more than a year to make this determination. Therefore, while relationship breakups can be difficult, they are also an excellent opportunity to grow, learning what you do and do not want from a mate.

• Closure - Often, couples who have gone through a breakup need closure. This means gaining some level of understand as to what went wrong. Although all the answers are seldom received, just having an idea of what failed is enough. For example, if a man and woman were dating and he decides to move on, you would expect the woman to want to know why. Most often, she is thinking that the man has met someone new, that she is no longer attractive to him, or something horrible. While this could be the case, it might also be that he just felt the two were not moving toward a common goal. However, by communicating and talking things out, she would gain closure. Of course, this works the same way for the man as well, although typically the woman needs closer more than a man does.

• Blame Game - Most relationship breakups come with the blame game “he did”, “she said, “he wanted”, etc. The bottom line is that for one reason or another, the relation did not work. Spending precious time and effort blaming is not going to do anything good. Rather than constantly blaming, look inside to see if perhaps something you might have done or said cold have been different. If not, you have an excellent opportunity to learn from the relationship and then move.

• Do Not Dwell - If you have gone through a relationship breakup, stop dwelling on the “what if’s”. Instead, pick yourself up and force yourself to get back out there to mingle. This does not mean you have to start dating immediately but you need to be back in social settings with friends, both male and female. Otherwise, it becomes too easy to sit at home and sulk, dwelling on the hurt caused by the breakup, which only leads to depression and other bad things.

• Vacation - Another great way to work through a relationship breakup is to take a vacation, time you can spend getting your thoughts back together so you can move on. You might take a simple two-day road trip or a week long cruise you had wanted to take. The key is to make the trip peaceful but fun. You could go along or take a close friend along. A vacation gets you out of the city and away from the situation so you can clear your mind. Most often, the person comes back feeling refreshed and invigorated with an entirely new outlook on life.

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For more free resources, visit http://www.thecbtcoach.com Julia Sorensen is the author of “Overcoming Loss Stories and Activities to Help Children Transform Grief and Loss” Published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers: Pre-order at Amazon

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