Can Men be Friends With Their Ex-Girlfriends?

Thu, Apr 24, 2008

Most people dread the phrase “can we just be friends” as it usually signifies the end of a relationship. While this question is one of the classic breakup lines, it is a statement that should be carefully considered before embarking on the relationship to friendship transition. Before jumping blindly from a relationship to a friendship there are many important things to consider and you should be fully prepared to manage the relationship differently without getting your feelings hurt.

Before you commit to “just being friends” you should evaluate your intentions and make sure you are not setting yourself up for disaster. Remaining friends with an ex who was a friend before, or remaining friends because you have a genuine connection and shared interests are good reasons to make the transition. Being friends with an ex in hopes that you will get back together, or to keep tabs on then or to seek revenge are reasons that will certainly lead to disaster. If you have good intentions and a genuine connection with your ex then pursuing a friendship can be a good idea.

You should also consider the value of your ex’s friendship and make sure they will add value to your life. Neither of you will benefit if you remain friends for the wrong reasons. Too many people have friends and acquaintances that do not add any positive energy to their lives and it is important that you look at all of your ex’s qualities and make sure they will positively impact your life. If your ex has traits that will not help you to be a happy and healthy person, then you will probably be better off without them. Make a mental list of all the good and bad qualities they possess and make sure their friendship will be a valuable and healthy one.

Going from boyfriend to friend can work, but if you focus too much on the friendship of harbor intentions other than platonic ones, you are setting yourself up for disaster. If you decide to go the friendship route you should make sure that you are not expecting anything more to happen. It is important to give yourself time to heal and move on, even if you are remaining friends with your ex. Don’t rely too much on your friendship to help you heal, get out and do things, meet new people, and move on with your life.

If you do decide to be friends with your ex-girlfriend, make sure you set ground rules and then stick too them. Setting boundaries before you continue your relationship as friends will help you to avoid making mistakes that you will regret and will further complicate your friendship. If pursuing a friendship is important to both of you then you should both decide what types of interactions are appropriate and do your best to make sure that the lines you set are not crossed. Keeping your relationship positive and platonic is the key to success, so be sure to set the boundaries you both need to make this possible.

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