1. How can I say goodbye when I don’t want to?
2. What if I love someone, and we are no longer together but he/she is moving away?
3. Can you please explain why some people keep returning to each other after repeated break-ups?
4. How do I stop thinking about the past and hoping for the future?
5. What do I do with all of the love I still feel for that person?

The Answers

1. How can I say goodbye when I don’t want to?

When a circumstance happens that your personality might not like, it is imperative that you stop fighting what the universe is showing you, and start to look for the blessing in disguise, as well as the higher reason behind it.

When you truly learn to go with the flow, in the moment, you will gain a great deal of trust. What you will ultimately trust is that it is happening for your highest good and for the highest good of the other person. You might not see the higher reason at the current time, but you definitely will in hindsight.

You do not own another person. He or she can do whatever he or she wants to do. How could you not say goodbye if that is being asked of you? This is the root of desirous attachment. Your desires might be too attached to the other person in a way that is not healthy. The only way to release this, as with anything else, is with tremendous love and compassion for you and for the other person.

Look at what good can possibly come out of the situation. Look for what might very well be for each of your highest good. Replace “want” with “prefer”. You “prefer” to trust that there are higher reasons behind this situation and what you “want” might not be possible at this time. It might be possible in the future, or never. Release that grip with a flow of unconditional love. This will serve each of you far better than holding on for dear life. As a matter of fact, a “dear life” is what you ultimately “want” both for you and the other person. Allow it to be what it is. As soon as you begin to “allow” then you will begin to feel inner peace, and the pain will vanish.

2. What if I love someone, and we are no longer together but he/she is moving away?

The greatest thing you can do is go into your deepest heart, that place where pure unconditional love resides, and wish that person the greatest life that any human being can possibly have. If you are able, you can let the person know that you love him/her, and that he or she can always call you if they ever want to. Then, with pure, transparent love, view the other person the way you would view a butterfly, and allow him or her to fly away freely, while you simultaneously send him or her your love and purest good wishes.

Sometimes people need to move away to have a fresh start. Sometimes they need to separate from the past so they can grow, heal, transform and bloom into their highest expression of self in this lifetime. Sometimes they need to re-create an entire new life. If you truly and genuinely love this person, you have to realize that it requires a great amount of self love to be able to allow another to go away so that you do not feel tortured inside, but that you feel love and inner peace.

Begin to view your love as the gift that it is, and view yourself with tremendous pure love, without condition. This means that there is no condition that validates how lovable or worthy you are. And, this includes whether or not a person is in your life.

It is vital that you realize that you are not saying goodbye to the love you feel, you are merely saying goodbye to the old circumstances. If you have not been together, chances are great that each of you needed to grow and perhaps could not do this while remaining physically together.

View this new circumstance as a positive experience for greater self love, for each of you! See the good in it. It is there, and if you look for it, you will find it! Under all circumstances, find the love in the situation, and how this is serving as a positive catalyst in each of your lives. This will bring you into a great deal of trust, and the pain will be replaced by unconditionally loving acceptance. This in turn leads to a great deal of inner peace.

3. Can you please explain why some people keep returning to each other after repeated break-ups?

There is only one thing in this universe can never be destroyed and this is pure love. When two people deeply love each other and have repeated break-ups this is a clear indication that each person has growing to do, or they, just like everyone else on earth, would not be in this life to begin with.

When two people are together and they trigger each of their deepest growth issues, deep rooted feelings will naturally come to the surface. Then the ego takes its typical “fight or flight” position. Some people break up when what they are feeling is triggering so much inside, that they just want to get away. In this case, the ego has won its temporary battle. However, as time passes, and each person has solitude to so some deep soul searching, they discover that they did, in fact, have some growing to do on the personal level. They even realize that the other person was a wonderful catalyst for this growth. The love comes back to the surface, and they somehow get back in touch with each other because the love truly never died!

Some people call this a “love/hate, can’t live with him/her, can live without him/her” relationship. Personally, I do not agree with this view, as it is giving a surface excuse that labels something far deeper and wiser. I would call it profound love, growth and realization that has phases of togetherness and separation when needed for the growth of each person.

Relationships that are this deep have clearly come into our lives for higher reasons, and they are all related to growth. First for self, possibly to learn how to be authentic in a relationship, and ultimately it serves a positive purpose for many others.

If you find that you have been apart many times, and have returned to each other many times, I would venture to say that you have each grown tremendously as a result. Would you agree with this view? This is “why”. It is all for growth. The other reason “why” is because pure love never dies, ever. So when you are together love and treasure every moment. When you are apart, love yourself while you bring your greatest contributions into this world. Under all circumstances give yourself and the other person pure, transparent love, while you trust that everything really is in divine order, and working out for each of your highest good.

4. How do I stop thinking about the past and hoping for the future?

Your mind is going to have thoughts and memories about the past. You might hear a song that brings back certain memories. You might come across something or some place that reminds you of the person you love. There are two key components to this.

The first one is allowing the thoughts to come to the surface instead of trying to get rid of them and block them out. They might trigger a lot of feelings and it is important that you acknowledge their existence. You can realize and learn a lot from what is coming into your mind from the past. You can grow and learn from these past memories. You can see how much you have already grown, and you can cherish the times you had in the past for all of the good it did bring into your life, even if some of those times were difficult. In this case, allow, acknowledge and come into your truth about what your thoughts and feelings are trying to get you to see, feel and recognize. You can have wonderful realizations if you take this approach and it is entirely empowering!

The second dis-empowering aspect of thinking about the past is dwelling in it and wishing it were the same. This takes you out of the now moment, when your creativity, and creatively thinking by looking for a higher reason as to why you are feeling this way will serve you so much better.

You cannot re-do the past. It is behind you. You can only go forward from this point one moment at a time. So if a past memory comes up, allow it to! What is it trying to tell you? How do you really feel about it? Come into your truth. Then, go with what you are getting. If the person you love contacts you, be REAL! If the person you love never contacts you again, trust and accept what is, and with a great amount of loving compassion for yourself, focus on what you can experience or create in this now moment.

The only time it will serve you to think about the past is when you truly want to learn and grow from your past experiences. Trying to bring back the past is like trying to bring back a breeze that passed by. But, you can always have a new breeze come your way. It could be the same person, or a new person. It could be many experiences you came into this life to express. The greatest thing you can do with your memories of the past is give them a lot of love, because they did serve you well, especially if they were difficult. If you are dwelling in a negative manner, then this is hindering your growth. Ask yourself what you have learned, and what means the most to you. Above all, trust that you would not be where you are today if those experiences were not in your life, and you are not meant to keep re-living the events of your past. You are here to create new, positive and life enriching ones. Can they be with the same person? That is up to each person’s free will and choice. You can trust one thing, however, and that is that if it is meant to be for your highest good, it will be, no matter which way it turns out.

In a nutshell, view the past with love and appreciation. Then you can take all of the growth you have made and create, live, be and express so much more.

Hoping for the future is a complete waste of time. Why? Because it is detracting from this now moment when all creation exists! Pull yourself into NOW, and you will feel guided from within. Life will begin to flow smoothly, effortlessly, and everything will fall into place for your highest good. If you could only realize how profound this now moment is, when events happen that you would call a miracle, you will cease to live projecting into the future, and you will create everything from your heart NOW. There is nothing more pure and positive, and it all comes from your heart. TRUST that everything is unfolding according to your highest good. As you begin to get centered in this now moment, go with what your inner guidance and gut feelings are telling you! ALWAYS follow your inner guidance. THAT is what will create your “future” and it will result in the greatest life you could possibly have.

5. What do I do with all of the love I still feel for that person?

Allow it to be there. If you try to fight the love, try to get rid of it, and try to avoid it, I can pretty much guarantee that it is like trying to fight, get rid of and avoid the fact that sunlight exists.

If you feel love, then honor and acknowledge those feelings! They are letting you know your truth. Just by doing that alone will simultaneously bring you into your truth, and will stop the internal battle of your ego and your heart. What is so terrible about feeling love? Only what you believe can harm you, and those beliefs must be uprooted so you can at least feel your truth. Then, look at what is happening now. If you can, or wish to get in touch with the person you love, do so! If you know or have been asked to leave that person alone, then honor and respect what he or she asked of you. This must be done with purity of motive, with love and respect for yourself and for the other person.

If you are not able to be in contact with that person, simply feel your feelings, and create the best that you can out of them! The key here is to realize that it is okay to feel love for someone, however, it must be a “transparent” love with purity and zero “tactics” run by ego to push anything based on an agenda, an ego agenda. This “agenda’ includes denial of your feelings. That is EGO in its prime.

Alternatively, you can write a book, a song or create something positive for others. Most importantly, you can love yourself for having the capacity to love! This is a GIFT in life, and it is one of the greatest gifts you can ever feel and express in any positive manner.

When you think of that special person, in your mind, wish him or her pure love, freely. When you are giving that from your heart, the other person will feel it. As long as it is pure, meaning that you truly wish the best for that person, you will then be able to bring out the best you have within you. This can also help many other people who are feeling the same way. How do I know this? You might wonder, so I will give you the answer. I recently experienced all of this, and the pure love remains beneath it all. I now trust that there really IS a higher reason for everything that happens.

I now know that there is perfect orchestration in this universe and everything is unfolding for the highest good of all, every step of the way. As I trust I learned to stop fighting it all, because there are precious gifts within every circumstance – I had to first learn to look for them, instead of what my ego used to either be attached to or avoid. I know that pure love never dies, and I had to stop trying to get rid of it. I had to ALLOW it and create the best that I can from it. At the same time, from the most pure place within, I do wish that very special person the greatest life any human being can ever have. I also wish this for you!

Author: Barbara Rose, PhD. most widely known as “Born To Inspire” is the best selling author of Know Yourself, If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!, Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE, If God Was Like Man: A Message from God to All of Humanity and Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth and Your Life. She is an internationally recognized expert in the field of personal transformation, relationships and spiritual awakening. Barbara is a pioneering force in incorporating Higher Self Communication, the study and integration of humanity’s God-Nature into modern personal growth and spiritual evolution. Her highly acclaimed books, public speaking events, tele-seminars, widely published articles, and intensives have transformed the lives of thousands across the globe. She is the founder of IHSC -Institute of Higher Self Communication, inspire! Magazine and Rose Humanitarian Alliance. Barbara holds a Ph.D. in Metaphysics and works in cooperation with some of the greatest spiritual leaders of our time, to uplift the spiritual consciousness of humanity.

Visit her website http://www.borntoinspire.com

Any problem you can’t solve with a good guitar, is either unsolvable or isn’t a problem.

I’d have to agree with that quotation, especially when it comes to girls. When it comes to landing chicks and improving relationships, a guitar is your best friend!

Why? Because women love men with talents–and playing a guitar, even at an amateur level, is definitely a talent. Having a skill is indeed one of the fundamental rules of attraction. The Tao of Steve, a fascinating and entertaining movie, even breaks down how to get women into three simple rules, one of which is “be awesome in her presence.” It includes doing something 1, most guys can’t do, 2, that makes you unique, and 3, that makes you talented.

Well, a guitar answers all three requirements!

If you haven’t heard my lesson on the value of playing a guitar, I strongly suggest you check it out. My colleague and relationship expert, Amy Waterman, tells you from a girl’s perspective just why a guitar player–even a bad one–is so sexy and attractive.

Let’s look at some of the many benefits of knowing how to play the guitar in front of women.

• As I said above, just being able to play a guitar, even if you’re not so good, means you have talent. Girls love talent, so you’re headed in the right direction.
• If you play the guitar, it gives girls something fun to tell their friends about you. Think how far “He knows how to play the guitar!” goes. Never forget the importance of female validation: if her friend’s approve of you, SHE approves of you. Don’t underestimate this valuable principle.
• It Makes An Easy Topic of Conversation. Whether you’re just meeting a girl or talking on a date, mentioning your guitar is an awesome topic of conversation. It’ll make even the fussiest and most demanding of babes listen to you: the moment you mention that you know how to play the guitar, they’re all ears! If you’re desperate for a topic of conversation, this one is can’t miss.
• I should note something of sheer importance, however: mentioning that you play the guitar won’t work unless you talk about it with conviction. If you mention that you play the guitar but sound ashamed of it, or sound too hard like you’re trying to impress the girl, then…well, guess what? You won’t impress the girl! So be careful how you say it.
• You don’t have to talk as much. This, for me, is one of the biggest benefits (the BIGGEST is next!). Think about the value of a guitar: when you play it, you become the center of attention. You don’t have to talk, people just listen to the music. It also makes an easy break in awkward periods of silence; just whip out the guitar and the girl will be amazed!
• A guitar makes you sexy! Yup, it’s a no-brainer here. Girls love guys who play the guitar because it’s really sexy–for every guy! Doesn’t matter how you look, how short or tall you are, how much money you have. When you whip out the guitar, you automatically become a male sex object.

Need proof? I have a friend in London who is BUTT UGLY. Seriously, he looks like a human pig–and smells like one, too! But the moment he whips out his guitar, girls LOVE him. I’m serious: he really gets lots of girls, all because he’s a guitar-playing fiend. The guy is GOOD, so this just goes to prove two things: one, that you can get girls without being handsome, and two, the better you play, the more girls you’ll get.

Don’t worry if you don’t know right now how to play a guitar. You don’t need to know how to play the guitar in order to get women, but as you can see…it really helps! And it makes your dating life easier in the process.

Looking for help? Never played the guitar before? Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be hard. I found a really great page on the Net for learning how to play guitar from home, without dishing out hundreds of dollars for a tutor! Visit Jamorama.com

There’s even a free mini-course that will teach you the basics and more, so it’s worth checking out. Remember, there’s infinite value in playing a guitar. In the words of one Radiohead song: “Anyone can play guitar and they won’t be a nothin’ anymore.”

Featured Author: James B from Triple 0 Relationships

Photo Credit: 1

Kissing someone that you’re attracted to takes guts. You have to have confidence in the other person’s attraction to you and the courage to risk facing what might happen. The other person may turn their face away. Or, worse, you may finally have the kiss you’ve been waiting for—and nothing will happen. No nerves will tingle. No blood will race. It was a dud, and all that chemistry you imagined you had just went right out the window.

The best way to avoid all these situations is to know when it is finally right to kiss someone! And I’m going to tell you how. In this exclusive article, I’ll give you the essential tips you need to lay the groundwork for the first kiss of your dreams. These NEVER-FAIL strategies ensure that you’ll always know when is the right moment to move in for a spine-tingling kiss.

So listen up, guys: First kisses usually happen on first dates, at the end of the night when you are saying goodbye. If you try to kiss her before you’ve gone out properly together, she may think that you are forward and fresh. Making the effort to see that you are compatible and offer her an idea of what life would be like dating you is important. Although you may be tempted to kiss her during the date, restrain yourself. She is still making her mind up about you.

Consider your attitude towards kissing girls. Is it just a prelude to sex? It should NOT because you’re curious about what it will be like, or think she’s hot but otherwise couldn’t be bothered with spending time with her. This may be a common assumption, but women have a sixth sense that detects it RIGHT away!

Instead, adopt the attitude that kisses are wonderful, special gifts that should be given to a girl because you care about her and are interested in getting to know her better. You should want to kiss her because you enjoy being with her and want to let her know that you want to spend more time with her.

Guys and gals alike know that a first kiss means one thing: I like you, and I want to continue seeing you. Both of you will be anxious at the end of the night, wondering whether there will be a kiss and how it will result. I know that I STILL feel nervous on the ride back home after a date. We may have had a great time and be chatting away, but in my heart I can’t stop thinking: will he kiss me goodbye? A kiss goodbye is an almost certain sign that there will be a next date, but if there is no kiss I usually don’t hear back from him.

The perfect opportunity for that first kiss may happen when you least expect it. So EVERY time you are with a guy or girl that you are interested in, make sure you’re prepared for the unexpected kiss! Brush your mouth thoroughly, from your gums to the roof of your mouth to you tongue. Floss and use mouthwash to get rid of any last particles. Never let chapped lips go … use a moisturizing chapstick.

If you go out to eat together, think about how the foods you eat will affect your breath. You can take one night out to eat bland foods to ensure that your mouth will be clean and fresh for that first kiss. Avoid any spicy or strongly-flavored foods, including coffee. A dish with lemon or mint in it will keep your breath clean. Also, take advantage of those complimentary mints!

DON’T smoke. Smokers’ breath can be attractive to other smokers, but if he or she doesn’t smoke, it will be a major turnoff.

Make sure you shave! Women don’t want to kiss you with three-day stubble scratching their chin. Girls, lose that dark lipstick! There is nothing worse that letting your lipstick rub off a man’s face or stain his shirt collar.

Okay, now let’s get down to specifics and address the concerns that guys and girls will have in knowing whether it’s right to kiss.

Guys, remember that, whether you like it or not, you have to win her over BEFORE the kiss … not expect your dazzling kissing technique to win her over. She must be interested in you and open to the idea of sharing a kiss with you BEFORE you make the attempt.

Second, you shouldn’t even consider a kiss unless you’ve worked for it! By working for it, I mean that you’ve got to know her personally, have listened to her, found out as much as you could about her. As I say in my “How to Be Irresistible to Women” course, women want to EARN a man’s respect. They want a man to like her not because of her big rack, but because he ENJOYS being with her. He likes who she is, inside and out.

You owe it to her to take her out on a date in which she’s had a good time and showed you that she enjoyed your company BEFORE trying to make your move.

So test the waters and let her get used to being physically close to you before attempting that kiss. Some ways in which you can do this are:

Giving her friendly hugs. Show her that you can touch her in a non-sexual way and not expect anything else. Don’t make a big deal about it. When she presses into you and seems increasingly reluctant to break away, you know that she wants more. In fact, one day one of those hugs just might turn into the perfect opportunity to plant a light kiss on her lips.

Touch her casually. Try out a bit of physical intimacy to see how she responds. Use this to gauge whether she’s ready to move to the next step of an actual kiss. Touch her arm or her back lightly to guide her to her seat. Try a light tap or stroke on the back of her hand to draw her attention to something. Play the gentleman and kiss her hand. If she seems electrified by your touch, you’re in business. If she seems startled or uncomfortable, take some more time.

Increase physical intimacy. Once she seems as if she likes—or at the very least doesn’t mind—your casual touch, “intrude” into her personal space a bit. You may want to try sitting closer to her than you ordinarily would, or leaning towards her just a bit more than normal. Place your hand over hers … and let it linger. If she pulls away or freezes, she isn’t ready for your kiss.

Now, you’ve got to read her signals. Some body language signals that she’s interested in you enough to try a kiss are:

Her smile. Women show their approval with a smile, and if her smile is a special one that you haven’t seen before—wide, intimate, genuine, and happy—you can be certain that she is enjoying your company as much as you are enjoying hers.

Her eyes. If she is too shy to kiss you, she won’t meet your eyes. If she feels comfortable and open around you, she’ll enjoy looking at you … and if her gaze drops to your lips, feel as if you’ve got a yes right there.

Her body position. If she faces you squarely, with nothing between your two bodies, she is giving you the opportunity to come closer. If her body is turned away from yours, she crosses her arms, or she keeps an object like a table between you, she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to kiss.

Now, it’s up to you to find the perfect moment in which to kiss. DON’T worry that if you don’t jump on the chance to kiss her you won’t have another one. This attitude will lead you to plow forward even when the timing may not be as perfect as you thought. There is always one last chance to kiss her … and that is at her door at the end of the night.

When you’re certain it is right, your conversation may simply stop, and you’ll find yourselves looking at one another in silence, enjoying the experience of holding one another’s eyes. Consider this moment a green light. It can’t be more obvious than that!

Further Reading: How to Kiss Women

Want to learn more on how to be successful with women? Simply visit http://www.000relationships.com/towomen

First of all, I should say that most people I know, who are over the age of fifty, bristle at being called ’seniors.’ They don’t consider themselves old, they resent the mail they receive from AARP, and they won’t even accept the discounts available at movie theaters, restaurants, and other commercial establishments, at least until they cross over the sixty mark. Then, they seem to lighten up a little.

I don’t think it’s a matter of vanity, at least not entirely. It seems to be more the fact that they don’t feel like seniors in the traditional sense of the term. These people are not our grandparents grandparents, if you’ll excuse a twist on some stolen imagery. These are not the pie-baking, chair-rocking, knitting needle-clicking grannies of yore. Okay, some probably are, but remember, many of them are the kids who went off to the Peace Corps, fought in Vietnam, marched on Washington, and danced naked at Woodstock. Sorry if that last one put a picture of your grandma in your head that you’ll never get out.

The point is, most of these ’seniors’ are still healthy, vibrant, vigorous, financially stable and, dare we say it, sexually active human beings. They are online in record numbers, just like the rest of us, and they’re at online dating venues looking for the same things the rest of us are looking for; friendship, romance, companionship, love, and sex. And the good news is, there are a boatload of online services that are designed to cater specifically to the ‘mature’ dater.

So, How’s It Feel To Be An Old-Timer?

Amazingly, you only have to be over forty to find yourself included in this group, when it comes to online dating sites, but the fact is, there really are no rules. There’s nothing to prevent a man or woman of forty-five, or even seventy-five, from signing up at any dating or personals site on the web, and thousands do every day. The only point of the mature-specific dating sites is to make the search easier for the searchers, just like any other niche site. If you’re looking for someone in a specific ethnic, social, religious, or age group, it makes sense to go to where they congregate. If you’re sixty and looking for someone else who’s sixty, and you don’t want to sift through all the thirty-year-olds, then give a mature dating site a spin, even if you resent the terminology. Although, sometimes the sifting can be a good time in itself.

Now, some may think that because Grandpa doesn’t use his mobile phone for texting and downloading tunes, that he doesn’t appreciate, or understand, the technology available to him. But people over fifty have embraced technology, and specifically the internet, with the same gusto as everyone else. They have discovered social networking and email to keep in touch with family and friends, they make their own travel and hotel arrangements online, they investigate and research drug and medical questions, and they are flocking to online dating venues like it’s half-price Viagra.

Anyone Seen My 8-Track of Herman’s Hermits?

It’s true that this is a generation that grew up without computers, and CDs, and satellite television, and talking automobiles. They were deprived of Playstation, Wii, voice mail and fat-free bacon, but this generation grew up at a time when, if you wanted to communicate with someone far away, you wrote a letter. Long distance telephone calls were expensive, and generally only for important matters and special occasions. So, this is a generation of people who, by and large, know how to express themselves with pen and paper, or even a keyboard if necessary. They are almost certainly better equipped to pursue an online relationship, with a person they have yet to meet, than someone for whom “Id luv 2 mtU 4 dinA” is a sentence.

No slight intended to our younger readers, but the art of letter writing is still alive and well in many of these ‘mature’ folk, and it’s perfectly suited to the kind of relationships being conducted every day in social forums and online dating venues all over the web. Getting to know someone online is all about communication, including measured doses of finesse and nuance. There can be an intimacy, and a tenderness, in the written word that seems more difficult to get to in a face to face discussion. If you start out with the skill to express yourself, and reveal who you are, on paper or online, then you’re miles ahead of someone who doesn’t.

Does everyone over fifty possess these skills? Of course not. But I’d venture to guess there’s a much larger percentage of skilled letter writers in this age group than in the society of whipper-snappers that largely populates the netscape. Not to disparage whipper-snappers of any age, but writing skills have generally declined with the advent of so many electronic distractions, the personal computer included. Back in the dark ages of the fifties and sixties, television was pretty much the only game in town.

Off The Computer, Kid. Nanna’s Got A Hot Date.

So, the next time you dismiss the idea of Grandma getting lucky online, think again. She may be doing much better than you are. And, if you’re a ‘mature’ person ready for a new romance in your life, don’t dismiss the internet as a possibility. It affords the ability to search for and meet potential friends far beyond your own social and professional circles, and allows you to size them up without even having to speak to them. Then, if they pass initial muster, you can choose to begin an online dialogue. If you’re half as literate as I’ve made you out to be, you’ll be showing these kids a thing or two about online dating that will make them envious of your prowess as a date magnet.

Now, get out there and make us both look smart.

David M. Perkins
http://ValiantHearts.com
Articles, reviews, advice and tips on Online Dating, Romance, Sex, Love and Gifts
This article may be reprinted, in its entirety, without changes, and must include this author’s resource box.
© 2008 ValiantHearts.com

Visit SeniorFriendFinder right now!

But over the last few months, my attitude has changed. I’ve actually found that adopting an “alpha attitude” is crucial towards attracting women. In fact, the guys who do best with women aren’t necessarily jocks; they’re just the ones who are assertive, ambitious, confident and clever: in short, they are decidedly alpha.

What transformed my perception? Well, it was a best friend who taught me–man’s best friend, to be exact. My attitude changed as a result of none other than learning about dog training. Alpha-dog training, to be exact.

Here’s what I discovered:

As dogs today are still pack animals, with the same instincts as “a pack of wolves,” it’s important for dog owners to behave like the “Alpha”, or leader, of the group. In the wild, dogs would follow a structure, and in the absence of a solid “alpha” leader, the “beta’s” and “omega’s” of the pack would rebel. So as a dog owner, if you don’t make it clear to the dog that YOU are the leader–by eating first, going through doorways first, etc.–it’s all over from there: these wolf-like creatures are going to do the complete opposite of what you tell them to, and even become aggressive and untamed.

Sounds kind of like what happens if you let girls run all over you, doesn’t it?

However, if you are firm and consistent in asserting yourself as the Alpha of your dog’s “pack” (IE, the family household), he will respect you and do what he or she is told. You’ll avoid so many problems, just by taking the time to show a dog that YOU are the boss.

Because, much like women, dogs WANT someone who’s in control. They don’t want to have take up the role of leader themselves. They’ll actually love you more when you walk around with pride and confidence.

There’s more we can apply to female attraction from alpha dog training. When a low-ranking dog rebels against the “top dog,” successful dog trainers do the same things alpha wolves do in the wild: they ignore the dog for a couple days, until it comes back apologetic and willing to do what it is told. If the dog acts well upon return, he is rewarded and given the socialization and attention he needs.

As you’ll learn below, you can use this same principles towards ladies you meet at a bar or club.

Of course, you can’t go overboard. A dog that obeys out of fear does not behave as well as a dog who behaves out of respect. In fact, it’s been found that being too assertive and physical with a dog will only lead to aggressive and reckless behaviors. So it pays to be firm, but not brutal. Just like with the ladies–you want to be confident and assertive, but not arrogant and mean.

Here are some more benefits to carrying “alpha attitude” around the ladies

• By asserting yourself as the leader–someone to be respected, not feared–you gain people’s respect. As I said, females don’t want to have to adopt male leadership themselves; they just want to be around someone who’s not afraid to be a stand-up, assertive kind of man. But let me be clear: women don’t want an insecure guy who feels he has to act macho and sexist to get his buddies’ approval, like so many jocks, but a guy who naturally acts confident, and expects people to show him respect. That’s what you’re aiming for, and that’s what women who are worth your time want.
• Conversely, by being the “follower” instead of the “followed,” people, especially girls, will treat you as what you present: someone who’s not a leader, someone who’s NOT confident, tough, and full of power; in short, someone who’s not full of value. You get what you give, so it’s up to you to GIVE a lot!
• When a girl, particularly one you’ve just met at a bar or any social venue, treats you with disrespect, it’s up to you, as the “alpha male,” to ignore her. Shut her out, move on, and she’ll eventually come back to you the same way a dog would: with her tail between her legs, apologetic, and hungry for your respect. But don’t address her until you’re sure you have her respect, otherwise you’re allowing her to “move up the pack,” which, as with dogs, will only create future problems. This actually goes to show why guys who ignore girls, get more than those who dote on them and act needy. It’s all evolutionary.

• Conversely, when a girl treats you well, gives you love, and yes, does as she’s told (though I’m not suggesting you guys bark out commands!), you must treat HER with respect. This especially applies to girlfriends, but also a girl you’ve only known or dated shortly: Show your thanks, show your appreciation, the same way an alpha leader would display love and affection upon a well-behaved canine.
• You can even apply the alpha dog training to dates. Since the alpha leader eats first, chooses what to eat, and eats the biggest portions, YOU must decide where to eat on a date (don’t let her choose the restaurant!), you mustn’t be afraid to eat first (although social conventions do dictate that we must wait for both our plates to be served!), and you should get the best bites. If you’re splitting a piece of cheesecake, for example, don’t be afraid to dig in and get the best portion! The girl will actually respect you for it, much more so than if you bashfully gave up the best piece to her. Again, retain your position as the “top dog.”

• 

  Finally, you have to show that you’re an alpha not just one-on-one, but also in groups. An alpha wolf doesn’t gain his position by submitting to others in the pack; he asserts himself in front of others and makes it known that he’s the leader. That doesn’t mean you treat your buddies and strangers like crap; it just means you don’t let them push you around. In short, you must be what the guy I think has the whole “alpha attitude” down pat, Carlos Xuma, calls “being a stand-up guy.” That means standing up for yourself , AND standing up for your girl, by not taking crap from anyone. You don’t have to be a jock to let people know they can’t push you around.

Quite the contrary. Carlos Xuma knows that in order to be big, you’ve gotta THINK big, and he does this himself by adopting alpha characteristics. What are some great alpha characteristics? In his Secrets to Becoming the Alpha Man course, Xuma rattles off a number of them, including being:

• Clever/smart/cunning
• Ambitious
• Excited
• Honorable
• Dominant (not aggressive, but demonstrating superior social skills)
• Stable
• Fit (healthy lifestyle)
• Curious
• Balanced
• Natural

Doesn’t sound like you? No worries. With Xuma’s course you can learn how to NATURALLY become the leader. It all starts with attitude. Carlos teaches some fascinating, real-life subjects like:

1. Qualification: The Essence of Alpha Attitude
2. REAL Game Philosophy
3. Three Winning Attitudes to Impress Women
4. 5 Things to Never Talk About with Women
5. The Keys to Dating Success
6. Motivating Yourself to Get More Girls
7. How Even Geeks Can Get ’10’s’ with Alpha Attitude
8. What Bad Boys Have That Nice Guys Don’t

I highly recommend trying Xuma out. You can start with his free mini-course and newsletter, and see how you like it. I personally find it fascinating and down-to-earth gritty.

In short, it pays to be alpha. The best part is, You don’t have to be a football player to do it. The lasting reward is feeling good about yourself, and getting the girls all the other alpha males get. What’s wrong with that? Check out Carlos Xuma’s How to Be Irresistible to Women for more information.

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“How to Be Irresistible to Women,” makes it easy to attract and build honest relationships with the women you want. To receive your free 6-part audio mini-course, please visit: http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/

In an ongoing effort to truly understand the ‘psyche’ of modern women, an Australian dating company has been conducting real-life, interactive research since early 2004. So far, the researchers have met, spoken and flirted with over 6,000 women from all across Australia. The findings present the most cutting-edge insights into modern women and the dating scene. The following results are of women aged 18 to 45, from all nationalities, professions and physical appearances.

What Do Women Want?

In many cases, women initially said “…tall, dark & handsome ” when we asked, “What do you want in a man?” However, with a little probing – almost all women said that looks really aren’t that important when it comes to choosing a potential boyfriend. But, what does “Looks really aren’t that important” mean?

It means that if a guy is confident, has a good sense of humor and is genuine – most women will give him a chance. The problem is that most guys refuse to believe it, despite the evidence that we all see everyday, in every country of the world. That is: Guys of all shapes, sizes, ages and races are dating beautiful women. What a guy simply needs to do is learn how to be attractive to women. Following are the top 10 traits that women want in men, listed in order of most preferred by the 6,000+ women we’ve met so far.

1. CONFIDENCE

95% of women said that confidence was most important. More information can be found here: http://www.themodernman.com/modernmanresearch.html

2. SENSE OF HUMOR

90% of women said that they love a guy who could make them laugh, or who has a great sense of humour.

3. GENUINE

This was another big one, with 82% of women searching for a guy who is genuine. This can be a double-edged sword, if guys interpret to mean ‘being a nice guy’. In an attempt to do the right thing, a lot of men will often go out of their way, again and again, to prove how genuine or nice they are. Examples include: Doing anything and everything to appease a woman, expressing feelings too much and too often, “Just in case she thinks I’m not interested!” The key is to be genuine, without trying to be a perfect knight in shining armor. A few chinks in your armor is normal, human…and charming.

4. MASCULINE/ ALPHA MALE/ REAL MAN

The old, “I just want a real man” popped up 72% of the time.

5. CONVERSATION SKILLS

This was an interesting find, but makes a lot of sense. 70% of women agree that if a guy can’t make confident, fun and interesting conversation, then he’ll generally be overlooked or considered as boring.

6. STYLISH / FASHIONABLE

According to 59% of women, a sense of style is also important.

7. PHYSICALLY GOOD-LOOKING

As mentioned earlier, the old “Tall, dark and handsome” answer was often given when asked about this. Yet, upon further questioning only 32% of women said that looks were somewhat important. Even so, you have to remember that what one woman considers physically attractive varies from one to the next. A lot of guys drag themselves down if they don’t have a ‘male model look.’ But, the reality is that only about 10% of guys actually have a ‘male model look’…if that. If women were only attracted to male models, then there’d be a lot of lonely women out there…or a lot of harems run by very lucky men. But, that’s NOT the way this world works. Nor is it the way ATTRACTION between men and works. The next time you’re out in public, just take a look at all the ‘ordinary-looking’ guys who are dating beautiful women. THAT is real life. Looks are NOT the most important thing to women, even if you don’t want to believe it. What is most important to a woman is how a guy makes her FEEL by way of his personality, behaviors and actions.

8. MONEY

11% of women raised this point and it makes sense. Only during the last few decades have women in Western societies been able to become financially independent. Prior to that, women were always attracted to guys who could provide a more secure environment for the potential offspring. These days, women can survive and prosper without the financial support of a man.

9. MUSCLES

Only 8% of women said that they preferred guys with muscles. While there’s no denying that fit bodies are attractive. However, as you see by looking around – women love men of all shapes and sizes. Again, despite the huge evidence of this everywhere, most guys just don’t want to believe it. More information about Building Muscle.

10. NICE CAR

About 3% of women raised this as an attractive quality.

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Find out the latest information about Dating Advice For a Man and Best Pick Up Lines at http://www.themodernman.com/

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Did you know that women can experience different types of orgasms and can even have multiple orgasms?

It’s true! Unfortunately, many women can go years without an orgasm from their partner, and we all know how hard it is to satisfy a woman. Here are 10 tips to increase the chances she’ll reach climax, including the secret to multiple orgasms:

1. Start outside the bedroom

Want to increase the chances she’ll orgasm? When was the last time you surprised her with a little drawing, letter or flowers and sent them to her at work? Believe it or not, creative and romantic gestures DO turn women on because love and lovemaking are interconnected in a woman’s brain. Do this and you can bet-your-bottom-dollar you’ll be doing more than just eating dinner when she walks in the door!

2. Relax her

It’s very hard for women to orgasm if they are stressed. Give her a quick back massage. Rub her shoulders, upper back and neck to melt away the tension.

3. Ignore the vagina

Did you know that prolonged foreplay actually increases the chances of her coming? That’s right. By kissing, caressing and touching her LONGER, you’ll build the sexual tension and often the anticipation will be very powerful.

4. Change your focus

If you focus all your attention on the woman first, you’ll make love to her much more passionately. Think about it! If you’ve finished first and decide to help her come, you won’t have the enthusiasm and passion that’s needed to keep her hot and turned on.

5. Tips to last longer

Of course the first step to help her reach orgasm is by not coming. The best way I’ve found to not come is: Penetrate as normal and when you feel like you’re about to come, simply move your hips in a circular motion (like swaying a hula hoop) and wait until the “little guys” subside again. Now continue pleasuring.

6. Don’t use lubricants

Women have a natural lubricant that fills the vagina when they’re turned on. By using a product substitute, you’re only fooling yourself. Without products, you’ll instantly know if things are working; but with them, you can never be sure.

7. Never too much clitoris

Did you know that once you’ve stimulated the clitoris for some time, a little thing called the clitoral hood will actually come out and cover the clitoris to protect it from further direct stimulation? (And no, I’m not making this up!) The point is, once the clitoris is fully stimulated, make sure you pleasure the G-spot next, whether it be with your hand, tongue or penis.

8. Find and stimulate the G spot

The G-spot is a zone that feels like the roof of your mouth and is located about 2 inches inside the vagina on the topside. (On the underside of her stomach.) There are two basic ways you can pleasure the G. With your fingers by doing a “come here” motion or with a love position that helps hit the G-spot.

9. Use the best position

Not all love positions are made equal. The best one for women is the reverse missionary (woman on top). This is probably the easiest position for a woman to climax because she can control the friction to her clitoris and/or G-spot.

10. Give her oral sex

The single best way to help a woman reach orgasm, even multiple orgasms, is by going down on her (cunnilingus). While at first I didn’t believe it, countless studies have been done to prove this fact. Oral sex is easier and much more satisfying for women than intercourse is.

Try the ABC’s with your tongue, ask what she likes, and mix it up with lots of different movements! However be VERY careful! With over 6,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, make sure you know everything there is to know before poking your tongue around there, otherwise it could be really painful and, even worse, spoil the mood.

So there you have it ­ 10 tips you can start using right away to give women the most earth-shattering
experience of their lives.

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Author: Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of Lick by Lick, the complete guide to giving women oral pleasure. Unfortunately, most men leave women frustrated and disappointed after cunnilingus. Learn to be one of the rare men who can satisfy her with oral sex by visiting: LickbyLick

This is guest post from Yvonne Bridges

You’re at the end of your third set on the chest press machine, and as you push out that last rep, you notice that the guy across the room with the nicely cut abs and biceps is looking at you in the mirror while he does his bicep curls. He’s hot, for sure, but is he flirting or just another narcissistic muscle head showing off? You move to the next machine and glance over at bicep guy. Yep. he’s definitely checking you out, and he’s the type you go for. Your next move is…

Well, what would you do? Let’s face it, the gym is a hotbed of flirtation and sexual/dating possibilities. Depending on which you’re after, the way you initiate or respond to a flirt at the gym can either make it happen, or make it just go away. Put your best game forward, and step up. Don’t let the opportunity pass you by. You want to get it right, if you’re going to get it….

So, let’s break down the basics. Cover these bases and you’ll be off to a good start!

Try to look and smell nice

Looking nice just means taking a bit of care with your gym attire. Wearing your old ratty T shirt with the holes in it and those stretched out sweatpants that you love is not going to cut it. Step it up and invest in a few, simple yet stylish pieces that have you looking neat, clean and attractive. Nobody wants to be approached by the sweaty, dirty looking guy at the gym.

By the same token, dress appealingly, but don’t overdo it. You never want to look like you’re trying too hard. Ladies, keep it sexy without looking like you just climbed down off a stripper pole, or are on your way to a hot party. Leave a little something to the imagination. The best flirt artists know that as rule #1!

And as for smelling, nice, it’s not that impossible. Just be sure to freshen up a bit if you get a little too sweaty. Carrying or keeping a bottle of lightly scented body spray is a good idea. You can spritz some on mid workout when you go to the bathroom. It will help you feel more confident to know you’re not smelly if you want to try to talk to someone.

Be approachable

Some of us, when we’re working out get this fierce, warrior, gym face on that could scare away even the wildest animal! Soften it up a bit and smile a little! A smile opens the door and gets people to let their guard down. Now you don’t look so scary to try to talk to! Your warrior’s mask could be keeping you from getting some quality flirt time from someone who thinks you’re a hottie, but they’re scared to even look your way, you’re so fierce when your game face is on.

Don’t be afraid to make the first move

If you see someone that elevates heart rate, stay relaxed. Pick the right moment, position yourself, and initiate some small talk. Be casual, friendly, and don’t drop lines…just be natural. Not sure what to say? Then just ask a simple question.. Something like “how long have you been working out?” is a great conversation starter at the gym. Or “How do you like that machine/exercise? Is it really working for you?”. And you can always ask someone to show you how to use a machine or how to do an exercise you see them doing. Ladies, that one is a no brainer for you. Guys love to be helpful, and guys, that same trick can work for you too. After all, you’re both there for the same purpose; getting fit. There’s no more normal a conversation you can have in this environment. There are a million and one seemingly innocent questions you can ask someone at the gym. This one’s easy. Jump on it!

Be friendly, just not TOO friendly

Be friendly without being annoying. If you’ve started a conversation with someone, and they’re not really responding, abort mission. A flirt is never fun if it’s not being reciprocated. Cut your losses and move on. But when you do have one on the line, and they’re into it, be sure to keep your banter light and friendly without going too in depth about the details of your personal life. The best flirters are great at showing interest in the other person, instead of going on and on about themselves. There’s a subtle art to that. Learn it!

Give a compliment. They do work

And what better place to do it? Here, in this environment where people are actively doing their best to improve their appearance, everyone wants to know that their hard work is paying off. I find that complimenting a guy on one of his best body parts kicks the door wide open for me. “Wow! You’ve got some nice triceps!” or “Whooo. Nice abs! You must work your abs a lot!”. I have said that to many a guy..and it’s worked. Might sound a bit cheesy, but you know what? I also mean those things when I say them. Like, I wouldn’t say it to a guy that didn’t fit the description! And even the toughest looking guy (or girl) appreciates a good compliment every now and then.

Look at what your person of interest has going for them, and compliment them on it. Now, to be honest, I usually use this as a “hit and run” approach. I compliment, smile, and then just walk away. I don’t linger, trying to open a conversation, unless it just happens naturally. But that little compliment gives me an opening that I can use now any time I see this person at the gym. The next time, I smile, they smile and we exchange hellos. From that point, anything is possible. I no longer have to think on how to get this person’s attention…been there, done that. You don’t always have to get it all in one sitting. Sometimes you gotta just lay the track. Then eventually, you can get that train to run and stop right at your station!

Look for signs that they’re single

Now, before you turn it on, look for signs that they’re single. And if you can’t tell, you can find ways to find out during a conversation. Like, “does your wife/husband work out here too?” That’s a great question, because it not only gets you some pertinent information, but it also let’s the person know (if they just happen to be a little clueless) that you’re kind of interested. Two birds with one stone!

You don’t want to waste your good flirting skills on someone you can’t even have in the first place!

Check for wedding rings, and ring marks on the wedding ring finger (some people take their rings off to work out). You don’t want to make an ass of yourself trying to horn in on someone else’s territory.

In a nutshell, you have to be willing to just throw caution to the wind and go for it. You have to figure out what works for you, what you can pull off given your personality type, and just work it! If coy flirtation is more your speed, be coy. Have a sparkling personality? Get close to that person, find your opening, and sparkle on! The gym is the perfect flirting environment because you have time to assess your target, and make your approach, and unlike a quick sighting of some hottie on the train, bus or sidewalk, not only do you have more time, but you’re already starting out on common ground. Use that to your advantage!

With a little practice and a whole lot of confidence, you’ll be able to flirt at the gym with ease in no time. So, come on, let’s do it! Flex, smile, and go get ‘em, tiger!

Further Reading About Flirt:

101 Ways to Flirt: How to Get More Dates and Meet Your Mate

Readers Reviews About This Book:

This book is definitely a quick read - it’s small format, only 101 items in it, and each gets a paragraph or two of copy. None of the ideas presented are of mind-boggling compexity. One tip is to whisper to someone at the library. Another is to only *glance* at your flirtee instead of staring at them. Yet another is to watch body language - watch to see if the person you’re talking to is sitting stiffly with arms crossed. Hopefully most people who talk to other people have figured some of this stuff out

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Featured author: Yvonne Bridges; You can get more weight loss and fitness tips by Yvonne Bridges at http://thefitnessdiva.blogspot.com Yvonne is a top fitness instructor and ex Golden Gloves champion boxer living in New York City. She also authors the website http://CelebrityDietsandFitness.net

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Have you heard or read stuff about, how to tell if someone likes you? I believe many of us do, and of course we’re all curious to know what are the signs and behaviors that others display when they are attracted to us.

The keyword here is ATTRACTED.

You see, I kinda get amused when I see so many places giving a list of the things that are supposed to tell you what to look for when someone is interested in you. Well first of all, only some of the things stated are actual signs that show someone is attracted to you. Those are the signs that cut straight to the core and tell that he or she is undoubtedly attracted to you. The rest of the signs are… well, they only show that they like you. That’s all.

When people like you, it doesn’t always mean that they are interested in you. When they are interested in you, they don’t always show that they like you. In fact, in many cases, they may even behave as though they don’t like you!

Well anyway, the idea that I had in mind for this post is to write about love, liking and attraction. I’ll talk about love first.There are different types of love. Yes we all know about the Greek words of the four major types of love. Agape (Spiritual and sacrificial love), Phileo (Friendship and Kindness Love), Eros (Romantic and Sexual Love) and Storge (Kinship and Familial Love).

But when I’m talking about love, I will ask what is the type, the level, the intensity and the depth of the love? Those are the four factors that defines it.

There are different types of love. You can love someone as a friend, you can love someone as a cousin/sister/brother. You can love someone with the love of the lord. You can love someone as a superstar you adore. You can love someone as the love of your life.

There are different levels of love. How much agape is present in that love? Agape varies in different amounts. To what extent do you have the person’s best interest at heart. To what extent do you naturally consider their needs without first being conscious of yours? How much care do you have for them?

There are different intensities of love. The amount of passion, the amount of fire and the amount of energy that you have in your love for that person determines the intensity of that love. How much force is there, how much power and how much focus? Is it like a flood of warm sunlight shining on that person or is it like a laser beam completely targeted and burning ferociously with such intensity and fire?

There are different depths of love. How deep does that love go? Is it so deeply in rooted layers within layers that it’s almost next to impossible to remove? Can it come one moment and go the next, or will it remain forever even to the very ends of time and space?

About liking and attraction. There is a difference between liking someone and being attracted to someone. There is a difference between loving and being in love. There is a difference between affection and attraction. There is a difference between compassionate love and passionate love.

So what is the difference that makes the difference, for all the above? It is simply this:

You can find yourself attracted to a number of people but you can only be in love with one. You can love many people, but you can only be in love with one. Why is that so? Because there’s only room for person in your heart at any one time. If there are two, it means one is the real one and the other is not. Or else for one to come, the other must go. It’s THE special place of your heart. Heart of hearts or heart within hearts. Secret heart.

I hope you don’t misunderstand me here. It’s the special place for a relationship with a love partner or soul mate, although there are many special places for other kinds of love as well, even God’s love in your secret heart.

There is a DIFFERENCE between LOVING and being IN LOVE. Being IN LOVE is a different KIND OF LOVE. It is the KIND OF LOVE meant for MARRIAGE, THE ONE and ONLY. That is God’s design. That is why everyone desires THE ONE. You can LOVE MANY but you can only be IN LOVE with ONE.

As for love itself, you can’t say really say one kind of love is better than another. Sometimes a love that loves too much and loves too deeply can hurt so much. Sometimes it’s better to love with a carefree kind of love because it can’t really be hurt too much. Both kinds of love are real but different.

They say never love a love that hurts. And never hurt a love that loves. But you will always hurt a love that loves somehow in some way, but it will continue loving because it is a love that loves. And when you truly love a person a lot, it can hurt because you do not just desire for the person but you desire the person as well.

And you’d also choose someone who not only loves you but also wants you, wouldn’t you? Don’t just marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can’t live without.

But don’t be someone who is needy and insecure. Be someone who is powerful, complete and whole. That in itself is attractive. If you want more information about this author eBook, simply visit his Mind and Reality website.

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Enoch Tan aims to help people achieve greater awareness in living and experiencing life. To evolve human consciousness to higher levels. To revolutionize the way we understand the mind and reality. Learn Secrets most people will never know about the Mind and Reality and Get Free Ebooks of Life’s Greatest Secrets at Secrets of Mind and Reality

When in a serious relationship and in love with someone, if the relationship falters and you are not receiving the love that you deserve, you will most probably reach a point of wanting to end the relationship. There are two ways of saying “goodbye”, a real one and a false one. It is imperative to understand both “goodbyes”, separating the two and decide which one inevitably is the correct one to choose. Unfortunately, a majority of people will incorrectly choose the “false” goodbye. This can lead to emotional distress, depression, frustration and prolong the helpless feelings of a broken heart. A false goodbye will cause an unhealthy relationship to drag on needlessly. Let us take a look at the vast difference of false goodbyes and real ones. It is then that you may see that taking the road of a real goodbye can save you so much additional pain.

Regrettably, relationships can become unhinged. Whether there is logic to it or not, one person in the relationship may begin to mistreat the other. They may distance themselves, abuse the other physically, verbally or emotionally, and show an increasing lack of concern and love. They may break the bonds of trust, not follow through on what seemed to be heartfelt promises, the list is endless. In any case, the person on the receiving end is feeling frustrated, confused and usually ultimately dismayed with the other person’s behavior. Anger may result, as feelings of rejection develop. One may be tremendously let down that they are not receiving the love that they are worthy of. It is a time of discontent and sorrow.

That feeling of loneliness, lack of receiving adequate love and an overall dissatisfaction can lead one to decide it is time to say “goodbye”. The problem arises when they in fact, state a false goodbye. What is a false goodbye? A false goodbye is one in which you hope that by saying goodbye, the other person will be prompted to change their ways. Alternatively, you may even believe in your heart that you truly mean to say a real goodbye. However, unwittingly and subconsciously you are saying a fake goodbye, thus extending the pain of a breakup. There is a clear-cut way to decipher if you are giving a false goodbye. Once realizing this, you can understand what a real goodbye is, and implement this knowledge to free yourself from a relationship gone bad. This will allow you to pursue a new relationship in which you will receive the love that you deserve.

Concerning a false goodbye

It is irrelevant as to what type of mistreatment you received in the relationship. The important factor is to ask yourself this: have you really decided to give yourself the relief of ending an unhealthy relationship and are you prepared to do it properly. A false goodbye is just that. It sends out the signal that you are not prepared to end the relationship. It signifies that you are not truly ready to begin your life anew.

If you have wisely reached the point of wanting to leave a relationship that you know if not good for you, it serves you no benefit to hand out a false goodbye. If the relationship is over, if the other person has betrayed you, if they have proven to be unworthy of your love, there is absolutely no need to enter into a long discussion of why you are ending the relationship. In this case, the other person knows why you want to end the relationship. If they have consistently lied, they know it. If they have betrayed you, they know it. If they are mistreated you, they know it.

When saying goodbye, if you run through a long list of everything you have perceived as unacceptable behavior on their part, you are giving a false “goodbye”. Establishing the fact that they are in full knowledge of why you wish to leave, if you talk about their shortcoming in endless detail, you are not really saying goodbye. What you are doing, is attempting to make them see their errors. You are attempting, in vain, to prompt them to change their behavior. You are in a false reality, believing that if you can only somehow convince them that they have mistreated you, that they will realize it and begin to treat you in the way that you deserve. You may even believe that you are truly saying goodbye forever. However, if you are discussing in length the reasons for doing so, when you very well know that it is information the other is fully aware of, you are undoubtedly not in fact saying goodbye.

It is important to understand that true love is difficult to obtain. One usually enters in and out of various relationships, before finding their “other half”. It is a sometimes long and painful journey. It is a journey that will lead to some heartbreaks and disappointment. It is a journey that you must undertake if you wish to find happiness at the end of the road.

When you realize you must separate yourself from the person who is causing you emotional pain, when you truly believe that you do not deserve mistreatment, you will be ready to say a real goodbye. When you beyond doubt understand that it is in your best interest to separate from this person, you will be ready to stop giving false goodbyes.

What is a real goodbye?

It is a solid, authentic goodbye, is which words are not said to convince the other person that they mistreated you. If you are certain that the relationship must end, there is absolutely no purpose to talk of their misdoings. It serves utterly no function to discuss how you were mistreated. There is no benefit to trying to make them understand your pain and sadness.

If true love were mutual, you would not be in the position of wanting to end things. If you have recognized that they just simply do not care enough about you, do you think they care to hear the endless reasons that you are leaving? If they mistreated you during the relationship, they will not care that you are sad. They will not care if you cry yourself to sleep each night. They do not care. If they pretend to be ignorant of their behavior, it is unquestionably an effort to continue a relationship in which you allow them to mistreat you.

We have already established that any rational person undeniably knows they mistreated you. It is a fact that endless words cannot change a person’s core personality. You are smart enough to know that the key elements that you seek in a truly loving and healthy relationship. You know that attempting to fix a “bad” relationship will not work. When ready to walk away, you must present a real goodbye.

This is not to imply that saying a real goodbye is an easy task. Saying goodbye to someone that has been a huge part of your life can be extremely emotionally difficult. There will most probably be tears. There will be a phase of sadness, a feeling of isolation and perhaps depression. You may feel you will never love again. Nevertheless, you know deep in your heart that these feeling are not permanent. Life goes on; each second that passes brings you closer to a new phase in your life.

If you understand and accept the above facts, prepare yourself for a real goodbye. If you are ready to say a genuine goodbye, the only reason you should be stating is that you are not going to continue with the relationship. You will not disgrace yourself to a long conversation of your suffering. If they failed you in the relationship, they certainly will not provide support during the process of the breakup. If you are truly ready to move on with your life, say goodbye in the most dignified way you can: Short, simple and to the point. Prepare for the emotional change, recognize that life will continue, keep your head held up high. Do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of explaining things that need no explanation. Say a real goodbye.

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Guest post by Alisa Chagnon. Alisa31215@yahoo.com. Freelance writer, ghostwriter if desired. Dependable, consistent and highly ethical.

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They also have a ton of old Penthouse stuff that goes back to the 1970’s.

In the members area, they have navigation of ‘Penthouse Pets’, ‘Videos’, ‘Galleries’, ‘Live chat’, ‘Reading’, ‘World of Penthouse’ and ‘Store.’ They also have a calendar of their updates where it shows thumbnails of all their updates (7 days a week, nice!)

Penthouse Pets has a directory of Pets by year and by name going back to the 1970’s.

Videos has about 100 full length movies where you can jump directly to the scene you want to watch. It also has behinds the scenes videos from Penthouse photoshoots and a bunch of hardcore feeds and a video on demand theater. ‘Live chat’ has bi-monthly live video chat sessions with select Penthouse Pets and models and ‘Reading’ has dirty stories from Penthouse Forum.

Members of Penthouse also get access to PenthouseLetters.com, Variations.com and PenthouseForum.com most of which are erotic reading sites.

Features:

The photo galleries have a ‘zoom’ feature and the newer galleries are available in ultra-large sizes, the site has a search engine and the videos are downloadable but they are DRM’d.

Overall, I would say if you are a babe/pornstar fan this is a great site to check out as it certainly has a lot of exclusive material and the navigation and design is top notch.

More information about PentHouse

You can make more friends in 10 minutes by becoming genuinely interested in them, than you can in ten years by trying to get them interested in you. ~Dale Carnegie

I don’t think he ever liked me; I don’t know why, It was just a feeling I had. It seemed every time I was near enough where a “hello” or a handshake could have been used to connect, he’d always turn away, start up a conversation with someone else or simply ignore me. It was so obvious it was predictable.

As far as I knew, I had never done anything to cause him to be this way towards me.

The interesting thing is that there are many other people who really like him and get along great with him, it just seemed that we were never meant to click.

It didn’t really bother me, when I discovered his pattern; I simply became used to it and spoke to him with a nod or a “hi”, whenever we passed within speaking distance. We seemed to actually unconsciously agree to be cool to each other without even speaking of it.

Then a few weeks ago, as I was walking to the post office, deep in my own thoughts, he actually walked up to me with this great big painted smile and said “Hello, how are you today?” and walked along beside me for a few minutes, trying to engage me in conversation. I became instantly suspicious.

Then, again a day or so later, there he was handing out flyers by the doorway. There was one person on each side of the door, so naturally I took one from the other guy, shook his hand and started to go in the building.

The next thing I knew, I heard this booming voice saying, “Hey, what’s the matter, aren’t you going to shake my hand?” and there he stood, hand outstretched, the same painted smile on his face, everyone within earshot turning to see what the shout was about.

So, I shook his hand, and went on my way.

Later on in the day I clued in to what was going on: there was an election coming up and he was running for a position on council.

He wanted my vote.

But it was too little too late.

Unfortunately, our world is plagued with opportunistic, sunny day friends who are nice to you when they want something, but hide when you come their way with a request. An occasional, one sided friendship is not something that I wanted to be a part of.

You don’t need people in your life who are friendly just when they want something.

You need positive, affirming, supportive people who will encourage you and help you build the friendship into a mutually beneficial relationship with not one person better than the other.

So, it got me to thinking, if a person wants to remain aloof and limit the number of friends that he/she has, here are 6 things that they can do:

1. Ignore people. When they walk your way, turn away from them, pretend to look interested in someone or something else, give that spot on the wall as much attention as you can, until the other person passes by.
2. Make every conversation all about you. Tell people just how good you really are, and keep telling them, never let them forget it.
3. Always have one better than everyone else. If someone tells you about their trip to the cottage, tell them about your trip to the South and the suntan you got, or how you climbed Mount Everest without oxygen or even climbing boots. If they tell you about their car, tell them about your Porsche, but make sure that you are always bigger better, and faster. Your goal here is to make them feel small and insignificant.
4. Criticize, condemn and complain. Make sure you tell people how much they messed up, and do it with flair: make a joke about them. Always look for ways to tell how you would do it better and complain about everything. Too hot out? Complain. Too cold? Complain. Something not like you would do? Umm hmm, complain. Your back is hurting? Yup, you can complain. Got a cold or not feeling well? There’s a complaint for that as well.
5. Gossip about people. Talk about them behind their backs in a negative way. Talk about their faults and weaknesses. Tell everyone you can: Do your best to let the whole community know, and don’t care about who is within hearing distance.

This week, if you are wondering about how to not find more friends to connect with, or more people to bring into your circle of influence, make sure you follow these 5 guidelines, and you won’t be disappointed.

Make this your best week ever!

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Visit http://www.mustthinking.com to review and purchase my NEW E-Book MUST Thinking: An easy four step guide for creating the results you want”

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Because I believe that not only is this possible, its HIGHLY possible And it happens every day. You know who the ones that have figured out this skill and are using it? Yes that right. The Bad Boys, The Players, the Pick Up Artists. They have all figured it out . So now I’m going to let the rest of you know how they do it and why it creates so much dam attraction! Ok so you want to know what this secret is? You are going to love it. Here goes:

Body Language

Doesn’t sound nearly as interesting as I made it out to be right? But I’m telling you, you guys are in for a treat. Because body language accounts for more than 90%of the way that we communicate. And let me tell you it’s a whole lot more fun than just talking =)

So for all you guys out there that are frustrated and haven’t quite been able to figure out that just talking will not get you anywhere. This one is for YOU!

Because you are going to learn that you can communicate dominance, control and confidence all by the way that you hold yourself. So let’s get stuck into it. Read my previous post about how to read body language and know what they are thinking.

How you stand

OK guys that stand very tall and strong are instantly more appealing to chicks. Don’t know what it is, but no matter how butt ugly you are if by the way you stand exudes confidence and dominance you will have pretty much any girl eating out of the palm of your hand. So this includes standing up straight and tall, usually your legs are wider apart, you have a steady stance. When you are near walls or door you push up against them.

I know, I know, this may sound a little odd .. But it works every single time. I’m a chick and I still can’t figure it out. But just take my word on this one.

How comfortable you are

So this means you have to break the touch barrier as soon as possible. This mean when you are talking to a chick you are fairly laid back and relaxed. But when you make a joke or want to show her something, then you should lean in, be close and lightly touch her on the shoulder.

Once you break this touch barrier early on it helps you move past the obstacle of being called a friend in the future. Because friends are the guys that we label as too nice in a sense we can’t feel attracted to them, because they are more like brothers then lovers. If you know what I’m saying. And well I don’t know about you. But dating someone like my brother would totally not appeal to me, or most other chicks for that matter. So here’s a piece of golden advice. If you like a girl, then don’t fall victim to the let just be friends syndrome. It would just be easier to jump off a bridge.

How You Look At Her

OK here’s the thing guys. Girls don’t really like to be peeeeer-veeeed on so much that they start to feel like an object rather than a human being. Girls like attention don’t get me wrong. But when a guy comes along and makes it so obvious that he is checking her out it is an INSTANT turn off. Notice I said turn OFF and not turn ON. This is especially true because there is no challenge for the chick at all. She knows you have the hots for her and that you could be eating out of the palm of her hand any second. And well let’s face it, that doesn’t go in your favor when it comes to building attraction.

But the one way to show that you are genuinely interested and not like the rest of the other guys, is to make direct and meaningful EYE contact with her. If you make a joke or are in a conversation with her, make sure that you look into her eyes and nowhere else. Gaze into them, but be exceptionally comfortable when you do it. This kind of eye contact captures a girl’s attention. And she likes this attention, because it’s the right sort.

Just remember one thing. Beautiful girls love to be told that they are smart. Smart girls love to be told that they are beautiful. In other words as a general rule give a chick what she doesn’t usually hear. That is the only way you are going to gain and keep her attention.

How You Speak

I know it’s not so much to do with body language, but its relevant here because it goes along the general principle of Its not what you say, it’s how you say it. The thing is, chicks love guys with lower/deeper voices. It’s much more attractive when a guy has a low, deep and contained voice.

Here’s an example. Say the first guy is a guy who has a high pitched voice and is very animated in the way that he talks. He is a fast talker and laughs at his own jokes. Now compare him to a guy that is laid back in the way that he speaks, answers most questions with a question and doesn’t give too much away.

Now this might seem really obvious but I can guarantee you that if a chick were approached by these two different guys then she would choose the second one. She might not know why she chose the second one but she would.

So this one if for all the guys that were clueless But now are now more enlightened. This one is for all the great guys out there .. that can’t seem to figure it out. This one is for the nice guy .. who needs to discover that by JUST being nice .. isn’t how you win the game .. nor the girl.

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Jennifer Nielsen the founder of Hot Alpha Female is a vibrant 20 something chick who specializes in making an art of “getting the dating game”.

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Each relationship combines two individual stories to coauthor a new relationship story. The implicit contracts authored by each party in a relationship become unspoken assumptions that can facilitate or derail the relationship.

A crucial part of communication in a relationship is to make explicit the hidden assumptions and implicit expectations. To see the point of view of the other and to communicate that understanding, each must respect the other’s point of view. Understanding and respect are not synonymous with agreement.

The ultimate freedom is not to rely on someone else’s response to determine how you feel about yourself.

Ineffectiveness of communication, simply feeling that what you said was not heard or registered by the other, may result in irritation or anger. So often the content of the discussion is focused on with greater intensity, rather than the process initiating the derailment of feeling ineffective in not being heard.

14 Relationship Principles

1. Each person has a point of view. Communication is the establishment of a common ground to understand different points of view to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan.
2. Developing empathy with another is predicated on doing it with yourself first. Empathy is a way of listening to yourself as well as to another person with resonance of an entire experience of feeling, thinking, perceiving, and behaving.
3. Rapport is from the French word rapporter which means to be in touch or contact with a person, including yourself.
4. With emotionally charged subjects, reflect back to someone what you hear them saying before saying what you will say. This reflection assures the other’s sense of effectiveness in knowing that you register what was said, and better positions him or her to hear your point of view.
5. What someone believes is more important than what they know.
6. Requiring that others respond to you in a particular way renders inauthentic the person and their response.
7. We are always communicating; there are many languages, and some even use words. “Do not the most moving movements of our lives find us all without words?” (Marcel Marceau)
8. What you don’t do is as important as what you do.
9. Strike while the iron is cold. Known when to be reflective and invoke principles. When a child is drowning is no time to teach rules of swimming.
10. There are few true emergencies in life. “I’d like to think about that and get back to you” is a response.
11. Everyone fails empathically with another at times. Most important in a relationship is how the empathic ruptures are learned from to then come together with greater understanding. At times the most important thing may not be what you have done, but what you do after what you have done.
12. To forgive someone is to free yourself.
13. You cannot change yourself by first trying to change someone else. To have someone live an unexpressed part of yourself can be both unsatisfying and addictive.
14. The only person you can change is you. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work, and will create derailments. Quicken software will not change to WordPerfect.

Relationship Principles Applied to Marriage

1. Marriage is the most difficult and complex contract someone can enter into that they will ever know. Communication is vital as an ongoing effort. Remember to reflect back what you hear the other saying first, in order to maintain effectiveness in communication.
2. Discuss how to facilitate meeting needs, as well as needs of love and connection in the relationship.
3. Be present to yourself and to your partner.
4. Limit spending the currencies of worry, regret, remorse and suffering.
5. Distinguish self issues from relationship issues and commit to work on both.
6. Collaborate on how to maintain romance, sensual pleasure and the “in love” feeling; when these experiences evolve over time, it does not have to mean a diminution of love, romance or excitement.
7. Recognize gender-specific and unique individual characteristics. For example, creating pleasure for a woman may include the romantic experience of candles, music, and a special dinner. The same pleasure for a man may include a certain dress, lingerie, and a graphic sexual encounter.

Relationship Exercise

These reflections are designed to clarify and facilitate the developing a more satisfying relationship.

1. How did we do in our last conversation? How do I feel about that?
2. What patterns in our relationship and conversations do I want to expand? To change? To not create?
3. How do I feel around him/her?
4. Am I being all of myself in the relationship?
5. What judgements do I make of myself around this person? What judgments do I make of him/her?
6. What judgments or criticism do I assume and expect?
7. What do we each want from the other?
8. What do we each need from the other?
9. Am I relying on this person to provide some need or want that I could provide for myself?
10. How could I better support my partner?
11. What could I communicate to him/her know more about what I want and need?
12. What do we do for fun? How can we expand what we do for fun while taking into account our individual interests and