How To Be A Successful Chatterbug
While the local bar scene may never be replaced by the not-so-local chatroom or IM session, this new age singles hotspot is certainly giving it a run for its’ money. Unfortunately chatting, while opening many possibilities, can be quite a different experience than meeting someone in person; even with the addition of emoticons (which I believe are about 50/50 on the love/hate scale depending on who you talk to,) the true expression of the text can easily be lost or misinterpreted. Just as in RL basic courtesies apply when meeting or chatting, unlike RL messages can be very confusing, perhaps not because of their wording but because typing does not include so many of the facilities we rely on to understand communication.
The simple phrase “How are you?” seems fairly self explanatory when typed out, however in person, depending on facial expression, body language and inflection this same phrase can be interpreted in many different ways. This basic fundamental is enormously important to keep in mind when chatting, especially so, when chatting on the dating circuit.
How to be sure you’re reading the message correctly:
When in doubt never be afraid to ask the person if they meant to say what you believe they did, it might be a little embarrassing under the right circumstances but in the long run it can save a lot of time and confusion.
Always make sure to read the particular phrase or word a second time, and in the context of the surrounding chat, sometimes it is easy to miss a sentence or even just a few words that can confuse the entire meaning.
Never assume if you have any doubt. There are times when a misinterpreted chat can leave both parties feeling confused and unhappy and it is a much easier pit to fall in than most people would imagine. For example: people often use all CAPS in sentences to express an urgent or strong feeling; too often this is interpreted as hostility when in fact the meaning of the eye catching lettering is usually a person trying to express intensity. One who reads the message might be inclined to believe that the person on the other end is upset or even angry, not only can this completely misrepresent a persons’ behavior, it can sometimes lead one to believe that they have in some way upset the person. This kind of miscommunication, even in small doses, can lead to a false impression of both parties and therefore is an important error to watch for.
A little advice on how to make your messages clear:
Between trains of thought or topics always be sure to break up your sentences or paragraphs; this does not necessarily require proper punctuation, although it usually helps a great deal, more importantly it makes the message CLEAR. When one runs many thoughts together in chat without the correct pauses, (think of how it would sound if you were speaking,) the person on the other end can easily get confused. The usage of question marks, periods and even exclamation points can be a great help in creating clear messages as well.
The ever popular “lol” is more useful than one would initially predict. For example: When a person is speaking about something that made them angry, and perhaps types out an angry message this can at times come across almost as if one is angry with the person with whom they are chatting, though the source of the frustration may have nothing whatsoever to do with that person, an unhappy, stressful environment can be created. It is a healthy concept to “vent” one’s frustrations, especially with those close to us, however allowing the other person to know that you have the ability to expel that negativity and laugh at it can relax the entire conversation, rather than leading the person on the other end to believe that one has great difficulty taking stressful situations in stride. True, there are those who have great difficulty being able to lighten what they may consider a well deserved, angry bout of chatter, but often the lightening of the mood is missed entirely simply because the person cannot see one’s facial expression relax, or s simple smile when the anger is spent. Try to keep in mind that when typing tones of voice are assumed and can at times be completely wrong, a simple “lol” goes a long way in communicating a happy or relaxed expression.
Reverting to a topic that was mentioned previously in the conversation can also be a source of great confusion. Remember that little indications that in person would easily allow a person to understand one’s meaning are not so in chat. Keep you messages clear when switching topics to assure that they do not blend with others and create an almost unintelligible conversation.
A note on emotes:
Whether or not you find emoticons enjoyable, or completely detest them, those tiny images that accompany chat can be extremely useful. The most obvious of the icons are perhaps the smile or frown faced circles that usually imply what is already obvious; however in cases where a topic of conversation could be taken several different ways and emoticon can make the intentions of the author extraordinarily clear.
An example might a simple “hello” accompanied by a happy face icon; while the reasons for a person’s feeling happy might not be revealed so easily, the mood that would otherwise be expressed by tone of voice, or facial expression is made clear with a simple picture. The result is often that people chatting feel closer to each other, able to see at a glance the mood displayed and in turn express their own moods. Emoticons can clarify a number of tricky messages with ease and lend a hand to many who find difficulty in expressing their feelings in the written word.
Just as tiny, expressive pictures can be useful in chat, always keep in mind that too many pictures can be anything but useful, cluttering up what might otherwise be a clear statement; be careful not annoy a new chat partner by smothering your messages in little, yellow circles.
As people get to know each other the subtle changes in chat style will become more familiar and less misunderstandings will be present in the conversation. It is important in the beginning of a relationship to be clear simply because one misunderstanding could prevent you from better getting to know a person with whom you may have a great deal to share with.
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Written by Katt Chat for Village Matchmaker’s Online dating reviews
Kattchat, you’re unofficial online dating and relationship advisor
Alison’s KattChat offers advice and a more personalized Q and A for those who are seeking a little help and are interested in either submitting their own personal problems to share or enjoy reading the specific topics posted. I enjoy helping others to discover that most problems can be worked through and that so often they are not alone in their confusion about the world of romance.